My heart is broken. By my husband.
Marriage is BRUTAL. One day it’s smiles and sunshine; next the roaring midwest wind is ripping the skin off your cheeks.
The two of you can be smiling, laughing, communicating; feeling like you have finally mastered the thing called marriage. In a fleeting moment, that moment of certainty can crumble. Maybe it was a look, a bad day, an insensitive comment, or hormones raging out of control. And in that next moment, the recipient has to decide…am I going to ignore this, compromise, or retaliate? That decision can really influence the next hour, day, week, month, or maybe even year.
My husband is passive aggressive and does not like to talk until he has calmed down. I, on the other hand, have no problem, saying exactly what I want to say, when I want to say it, in the manner I choose – normally in a crazy furry of yelling. BUT..then I’m over it, whereas my husband can drag an argument out for a week with very little said because he doesn’t want to say something he will regret. Where I normally end up apologizing for my harsh words in the heat of the moment and he doesn’t always take me as seriously as I need him to because of how I responded.
I have a great husband. He’s patient, caring, helps out, and follows through. Recently however, my husband made a choice that surprised me. It was one of those random things that came up that you had assumed from previous conversations you were both on the same page about; but apparently not. NOT EVEN CLOSE!! It was one of those moments that as you getting into the depths of the argument, both of you are looking at the other like their viewpoint is completely insane and compromise does not appear to be an option at that point and giving in is neither of our styles.
After thinking about this for a few days, it’s not really what happened, but rather how it made me feel that bothers me the most. I felt insecure. Why? Do I feel like I’m failing as a partner, friend, lover? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe it was his reaction when he found out I was upset. Maybe in that instant, I felt completely unloved by my partner and that our relationship was not on the level I had thought it was. I don’t know – I just know I felt angry and completely heartbroken.
My mom has always told me that you may not always like the person you are with, but you have to remember why you love them during hard times. So that’s what I’m doing. Our relationship isn’t irreparable, but rather just another bump and another learning lesson in our lifelong journey together. A lesson to bring us closer in understanding and respecting the other.
The good news is that we are moving on – taking it one day at a time, together. Every day gets better and we are getting back to a better place. At the end of the day, that’s all we can really hope for – for each of us to care enough to keep trying, to keep pushing, and to strive to be a better us.
I have a great husband….. who just happened to break my heart.❤️💔❤️